This blog is about me and dealing with my issues. My hope is that anyone; maybe someone, will read it and be able to at least relate to my experiences and know that they aren’t alone. I suppose that I should be posting some deep arcane knowledge that can help all. But I know none….
What I have been able to figure out is that Shamans are often called the “wounded healers.” While I’m not sure that I am necessarily a Shaman, I do currently follow a path of seeking to learn about Druidry. I believe that the two are very closely related and might even be synonymous. So what I am doing is seeking to heal myself and recapture all the parts of my soul that have been lost over the years. And I believe that there has been plenty.
I believe that the first part may have even been before I was born. See, my parents were in a severe head-on collision when my mother was pregnant with me. Both were badly injured and they were told that it was a miracle that they even lived, much less recover. But they did both. But I have read before that when we are in the womb, we can hear and react to external stimuli. For instance, the sound of our mother’s voice, music, the emotional state of the mother, etc.. If this is in fact the case, then I would imagine that that event would have severely traumatized a fetus and in turn affected me and hence my soul. I have no proof but it is my theory.
So I guess I hit the ground running with less than a full tank (soul). I don’t know. I am currently in the process of researching what some of our current central shaman figures (Sandra Ingerman, Danu Forest, Michael Harner) might think of my theory. So the jury is still out.
I did have one of my therapist tell me that the rape I received when I was older may have stemmed from the trauma that I received as a child. Maybe it started out earlier than that… He said that people who perpetrate such acts on others can sense that they are dealing with a damaged individual. They find that they are easier targets. I correlated this to sharks in the ocean. I’ve heard that they can smell a single drop of blood for great distances. So maybe this is how they prey on others. They sense a weakness or prior hurt and know that they have an easy victim. The victims don’t know it. But the evil ones do….
There will be more on this later. But i need to work on my housing right now. But I really needed to get this out. It was important….