A Quick Update….

When things change, they really change.  So much has happened since my last post that I can’t even get it all in one posting.  But I will try to spread this out over several.

I am already running late for a doctor’s appointment, but will make a post very shortly on some of the big changes.  They amount to good and bad events and in general make me sad.  But, I’ve also got to look at the flip side to realize that rebirth is coming and it is a matter of being patient.

Until later then!

My, how life takes many twists

I haven’t been making many (well none actually) posts of late.  I have been thinking about how to continue this blog and incorporate the changes in my life that have happened.  I suppose the biggest is that I joined the Mutual UFO Network (MUFON) and have become a Certified Field Investigator.  I have also become a member of the Experiencer Research Team (ERT).  This is a group that helps people who have experienced visitations or abductions by EBE/ET’s and have filed a report of such on MUFON’s website.

I am also involved with a very exciting project known as MARRS.  This is a really large project taken on by our Training Director, Ken St.John.  I’m not sure if I could handle all that he is doing.  But with some good folks I guess it’s possible.

Even as I write this I am trying to contact a witness here in Arkansas about a sighting.  I guess I need to explain all of this interest in UFO’s and such.  When I was 18 years old and home on leave from the Navy, I was on my way to see my future wife and was driving down a pretty desolate section of highway.  The reason I suppose that it was so abandoned was that it was 2:30 in the morning or such.  So there just wasn’t much traffic out.

I’m not sure what caused me to look up, but when I did, I saw something I just couldn’t believe.  I saw a triangle UFO.  Yep, bigger than snot! It had a very shiny underside, with amber/yellow lights along the two leading edges.  It made no noise whatsoever.  None… Now realize that I grew up 1 1/2 miles from the front gate of Barksdale AFB in Louisiana.  This was the home of the USAF’s B-52’s.  There was also a large group of fighter jets.

I had been exposed to all of these aircraft because I had spent a vast amount of time on the base.  My father was retired military and so we had access to the base as part of his retirement benefits.  Plus, when growing up, I had spent many, many weekends camping there with the Boy Scouts, courtesy of the  Base command. They were always very good about allowing the Boy Scouts to use parts of the base that were no longer in use.  And, I’m talking about the areas that use to store nukes.  When the cold war hit and we might need to go to war, they had stored them there with the B-52’s, just in case..  I’m glad that the nukes had been deleted as part of the agreement.  But it left a lot of space for Boy Scouts to use for camping and with that I was glad.

I said all of that to show that I had pretty much seen every aircraft on that base. Well, at least the ones that use to sit on the flight line and the ones that I watched take-off and land.  So I had never seen anything like what I described.  NEVER!  Although, there have been sightings after I moved away of what is known as the TR-3B.  This is supposedly a part of the Black Project, The Aurora Project.  Which all of that is controversial and of question.  But folks are seeing something.  It can’t be mass hysteria or delusions when it happens over a number of years with different people, at different times, etc.

That sighting began my interest, but my Naval career took over and I soon forgot it.  But as I have “matured” and now am disabled, I have a lot of time on my hands.  And I needed something to focus on because I was going nuts since my wife was always at work.  I was watching reruns of The X-Files on Netflix and there was a mention of MUFON on one of those episodes.  So, I researched and found a local chapter, went to a meeting, joined and became a FI (Field Investigator) in record time.

Now I are one…  We just finished having a booth at The Ozark Mountain UFO Conference. It is the oldest running conference in the US.  And due to recent events, I was asked to serve as the Interim Assistant State Director.  I of course accepted, but with the stipulation that our regular ASD return asap.  He and his family are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

Well, I guess that’s enough for today.  I’ll be back soon….

I’ve Been Absent..

For the few folks that have taken a look at my site, I want to say thank you.  I have been absent due to some issues with my health and personnel issues with my life.

I would ask all of you to please be patient and I will get back to telling my story very soon.  I am recuperating and trying to find a new place to live.  That is the most pressing item right now.  A disabled Veteran doesn’t have much money and when your own kids hate you, well you get the picture.  I guess that is another topic for my little blog here.  But  I do have some new chapters to write….

I would garner any and all prayers, positive energy and anything else you can send our way to help with our situation.

Again, thanks to all of you who read my few words on the good ole’ net.

 

Dealing With Pain

This blog is about me and dealing with my issues.  My hope is that anyone; maybe someone, will read it and be able to at least relate to my experiences and know that they aren’t alone.  I suppose that I should be posting some deep arcane knowledge that can help all.  But I know none….

What I have been able to figure out is that Shamans are often called the “wounded healers.” While I’m not sure that I am necessarily a Shaman, I do currently follow a path of seeking to learn about Druidry.  I believe that the two are very closely related and might even be synonymous. So what I am doing is seeking to heal myself and recapture all the parts of my soul that have been lost over the years.  And I believe that there has been plenty.

I believe that the first part may have even been before I was born.  See, my parents were in a severe head-on collision when my mother was pregnant with me.  Both were badly injured and they were told that it was a miracle that they even lived, much less recover. But they did both.  But I have read before that when we are in the womb, we can hear and react to external stimuli.  For instance, the sound of our mother’s voice, music, the emotional state of the mother, etc..  If this is in fact the case, then I would imagine that that event would have severely traumatized a fetus and in turn affected me and hence my soul.  I have no proof but it is my theory.
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So I guess I hit the ground running with less than a full tank (soul).  I don’t know.  I am currently in the process of researching what some of our current central shaman figures (Sandra Ingerman, Danu Forest, Michael Harner) might think of my theory.  So the jury is still out.

I did have one of my therapist tell me that the rape I received when I was older may have stemmed from the trauma that I received as a child.  Maybe it started out earlier than that… He said that people who perpetrate such acts on others can sense that they are dealing with a damaged individual. They find that they are easier targets.  I correlated this to sharks in the ocean.  I’ve heard that they can smell a single drop of blood for great distances.  So maybe this is how they prey on others.  They sense a weakness or prior hurt and know that they have an easy victim.  The victims don’t know it.  But the evil ones do….

 

There will be more on this later.  But i need to work on my housing right now.  But I really needed to get this out.  It was important….

 

My Early Years

As a continuation, I would like to share my beliefs from my early years. As we all know, those years form the base and basis for the rest of our life (at least this incarnation).

As revealed in my last post, I grew up in a Judeo-christian household. While personal beliefs were not shared, there was a general consensus that this was what our most recent ancestors believed and so should we. So we followed the normal holidays and such without much discussion of what they were about nor what they were supposed to reveal, if anything. I went along with this because that’s what children do for the most part. They are taught to believe that the adults and parents they are presented with are infallible and to be followed.

But I need to reveal what was really happening during those holiday celebrations. There wasn’t much to celebrate really. You see, I came to hate them all. Not for the religious undertones but because of the abuse and strife that accompanied them. I was raised in the South and anyone who was raised there during the 60’s and 70’s can tell you that the first thing to deal with was the smoke. It usually started about three feet off the ground and went to the ceiling. Yes, it was cigarette smoke. It seemed that everyone smoked and everywhere. Everyone except my father. But explain to everyone why a man who never smoked died of complications arising from COPD. It is true that second hand smoke can kill you.

So after wallowing through the haze, I was always forced to participate in the family rituals. Our family rituals consisted of usually having my mother’s brother and his family come to our house. Which usually meant I’d have to deal with my cousins. This of course always garnered a “talk” instructing me to not say it do anything to offend them because they were Catholic. I didn’t even know what a Catholic was so I didn’t know what I should or shouldn’t do. So I mostly just tried to keep to myself and slip away in my precious books or if possible to literally slip away. On one of these visits they decided that they would stay the night. Or some of them would stay the night. I really can’t remember exactly because this was the first time that I had been raped and I suppose your mind does some things to help block those things out.

A Shaman would say that a piece of my soul broke off and went somewhere. I would agree with that diagnosis. I was only ten years old. I will spare any details, but suffice it to say that I was told the usual things you hear about victims being told. “Everybody does this.” “This won’t hurt.” “Don’t tell or I’ll hurt you/your pets.” The list could go on but you get the picture. All I knew is that I wasn’t saying anything. Shame. Guilt. Emotional devastation. Loss of trust. Loss of virginity. You name it. I felt them all.

But from my exposure to these churches I was going sporadically to, I also knew this was wrong in their God’s eyes. Now that I am much older, I have to wonder where this thing about the Roman Catholic Church and raping little boys comes from? I didn’t read it in the bible my grandmother gave me and I don’t read it in the official Catholic bible I have today. So what is it about these guys? I have to look back and wonder whether my cousin had been molested by a priest? I can’t tell you the answer. But it definitely altered my relationship with my whole family. My parents, my uncle and his family; they were now different. Something to be feared and avoided at all costs. I could only retreat to where I felt safe and that was in my books and away from them.

I would also add that all these holiday celebrations were filled with arguing, fighting, name calling, dishes being broken,etc.. My biggest question is where did Norman Rockwell get those images he had masterfully captured? Sure as hell wasn’t in my house!

So these experiences shaded my beliefs early. I didn’t know what a Catholic was supposed to be but I didn’t like what they did to little boys. I didn’t like that no one back then ever really talked to kids. The churches, the schools, the family. No one. I guess that I need to add (if you haven’t figured it out yet) that I was an only child. I had no one to tell about what had happened nor what I felt. I was very alone. And then, just like now, I hear no voice from heaven telling me it’ll all be okay.

I’ll end for today. Just talking about this does not make me heal. It doesn’t help.

My Spirituality

This blog (which is my first) and it’s thoughts spring from what have been my religious and spiritual experiences throughout my life.

I started life being raised in a Christian-esque household.  I say it like that because religious things never were a topic of discussion in our household.  I was sent to a small baptist church for vacation bible school and then attended a United Methodist church as I grew older. I was never asked about what I was being taught or what my beliefs were.

I will begin to post more and hopefully learn the ins and outs of using WordPress.  I know that many are very skilled and I have seen some very beautiful blogs.  I only aspire to reach those but will give it a try.

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